Closing one door, opening another...

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." - Helen Keller

Today is a little bitter sweet for me.

We were supposed to be closing on our house today and moving in this weekend. However, that did not happen :( Like I said previously the first mortgage company fell through. That upset me so much, because if everything else was going wrong, that was the one thing I was counting on to be right. However, today we found out that we are approved again :) lets hope nothing changes from now until Thursday when we close. We've been out of our apartment and living from house to house for two and a half months now. This transition period has been the biggest pain in the butt that we could have. But, on the bright side I feel like it has really strengthen our relationship and ourselves. At least, for me I can say I have some pretty thick skin now. I have also learned to look at things in a more positive way. It could have been worse, but we were very blessed. We like to view this as a blessing in disguise. Not many people can comprehend why we feel this way, but when you step back and take a look at the bigger picture... it is. Yes, the fire was a horrible thing, one of the hardest things for us to over come as a couple, as well as individuals; but we learned so much from it.

1) We learned that no matter the circumstances, or how bad it is we have each other to lean on.

2) We learned that every so often our little fairy tale can become a nightmare.

3) We learned that god blessed us with the most amazing families. They comforted us when we needed them the most. My mother lent us $500 to help pay for vet bills. My brother gave up his bedroom and bed just so that we would have a place to sleep. We could never be so grateful for all that both families have done for us.

4) We learned that we have angels watching over us. Even in the worst conditions, they made sure we were safe as well as our puppy and belongings.

5) We learned that bad things lead to wonderful things. If the fire never happened we never would have thought to buy a house (which we are closing on on Thursday) and we would never had our newest puppy Bentley.

6) We learned to make the best of every situation. Instead of sulking in our sorrow and depression, we stayed busy, stuck together, accepted the support given to us, and found the better in the situation.

While those are only a few things that we learned, we accept and appreciate all that we have learned and gained from this beautiful nightmare. I am so grateful to have all that I do, especially the most amazing Fiance a woman could ask for. He is my strength, my happiness, my entire heart.

"He who has hope has everything."
      - Arabian Proverb

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein

 

 

Waiting....

The hardest part about being in a relationship where one of them has to work out of town is probably doing everything alone. We are currently in the process of buying a house and it just really sucks having to figure everything out over the phone and/or trying to get documents that you as his future wife do not quite have access to because you are not married yet. Along the lines of having to do everything alone, include the small things. Such as: sleeping alone, waking up alone, eating dinner alone, watching tv alone, grocery shopping alone, and so on. Sometimes it extremely hard to deal with, and not complain about. However, at the end of the day he is doing whats best for the both of us and our family. Because he has this job he is able to take such wonderful care of me and our puppies and himself. He gives us things I could never imagine to have to this point in my life. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful Fiance who does everything he possibly could for us.

I am currently waiting at home for my man to get home, in the last two weeks I have only seen him once and that was for about 5.5 hours and we slept most of it and he was sick :( poor guy. I know it could be worse, though. I feel so guilty sometimes when I say how much I miss my man on facebook or complain because he is gone a week or too, when military spouses go months and years without seeing them. Not to mention, military spouses have to deal with the constant reminder that they are in a war zone and at any moment their entire world could be taken from them. On the other hand, I hate when girls my age go around crying about not being able to spend all day every day with their man. I mean come on girls, at least you can see them every day. I also hate when girls hate how their men have to work all day long and never have time for them. Do they not realize that they work all day to take care of them? Not to mention, I would give anything just to be able to crawl in bed with my man every night. Yes I would love to spend all day every day with him but I would be perfectly happy just being able to sleep in his arms every night. But I don't get to. It just really annoying to me when girls complain about that kinda stuff. So I am kinda stuck in the middle, I dont have it so bad. Yes, I have to spend weeks away from him at a time, but atleast I can talk to him daily and I know

he is safe. But, I also don't get the pleasure of spending every night in his arms. It's a touchy subject, and no noone is probably going to change their complain, hell I might now either, but that is just how I feel about it. LOL

Anyways, I feel like I should explain why I picked the name "Definitely, Maybe" as the title for my blog. This short, little phrase sums up my life pretty much. Nothing is every guarenteed. Someone may say definitely at one moment but it almost always turns into a maybe. This is very relavent with my life as a Fiance who has a Fiance traveling for work. Nothing is ever promised. He may say I will be home tomorrow at 2pm and two minutes later it will be,"Change of plans babe, were going to New Jersey for the next two weeks." This little scenerio, shows up from day to day. Two days ago we were closing on our house next Friday, June 24th and now as long as everything works out we are closing on Friday, July 8th. While, "Definitely, Maybe" seems like a hassle and scattered lifestyle, I sure have learned alot from is and still am learning. The biggest thing I've learned is nothing is ever promised. Another would be expect the worst and you'll get the best. Expecting the worst seems like a horrible thing to do, but then you have no expectations to meet which makes life that much more enjoyable. Patience; a concept I still have yet to master. At first, I had absolutely no patience what so ever. I am, I do what I want when I want kinda girl. When I want something I want it now. I am still learning that is not possible at all, and while others might disagree (cough, cough Cameron) I feel I have come along way :-P

Making everything right, when everything is wrong.

I am creating this blog mostly in hopes of having a way to express my anger, joys, loves, sorrows, and frusterations. Thoughout the last few six months we have literally been on an emotional rollercoaster. As soon as one thing goes so incredibly right, something else goes so horribly wrong. However, we sure have grown up and grown closer throughout our little journey.

Over these last six months of our rollercoaster ride we've became engaged, had an apartment fire, two very sick puppies, and started the process of buying a house all while Cameron travels the contential U.S. for his job.

We became engaged on February 6, 2011. Even though I knew it was about to happen, he took my breathe away by the way he asked me. Conquencidently enough, the day we got engaged I was shopping with my mother, sister, and Cameron's mother for my wedding dress. When we finally called it quits for the day, they took me home and thats when my little follow the sign and rose petal road began. I walked up the stairs to our apartment (which just so happens to be on the third floor). On the door I see a sign saying "WILL". I reached for the door and it was locked. So I unlocked the door and inside the house there was a little trail of rose petals on the floor and candles lite all around. I followed the trail to the next sign which was on the bedroom door. It said "YOU". The trail of roses then lead me to the bathroom where a sign read "MARRY".... as I opened the door Cameron was right there saying "MEEEEEEEEE!!!" He had me a hot bath, candles lite, and my ring in the middle of a tray with fresh strawberries. It was so romantic and amazing. I will never forget that day for the rest of my life.

So, the wedding planning began....
Trying to plan a wedding in nine months is hard. Finding a venue was even harder. Finally we settled with the Holy Shepherd Lutheran Church for the ceremony and the Denver West Marriott for the reception.Thus far, we have all that set, the cake ordered, the photographer book, wedding dress bought, tuxes picked out, save the dates sent, invitations bought, and probably more things that I have forgotten. However, we still have so much to do...and to pay for. Oh and I forgot to mention that besides our flight being cancelled, our honeymoon cruise is booked and will soon have flights to it.

All that all seems fine and dandy, and quite exciting I might add. However, on April 18, 2011, our life forever changed. Our apartment was involved in a fire, damaging our unit making it unlivable. This single event has continued to affect our every day life. It truly has become an uphill battle that we seem to be losing, slowly but surely. We just recently got our belongings back but they are being stored in my parents garage until we have our own place again. We have been going back and forth between his parents house and mine just trying not to get in the way. This has literally been the hardest, most stressful thing we have been through. While, it seems to be a blessing in disguise we are still waiting to see if that is truly the case. A few weeks ago, Cameron and I put an offer in on a hour in Arvada and we are currently battling the mortgage companies to finish this whole process so we can finally have our own home again. Kinley, got stuck in the fire, causing so much stress for her as well as pneumonia. It took a few weeks for her to recover but she is doing well, even though it sure is tough on her to have to move from house to house with us. We are hoping we get everything sorted out with this house so she will have her own backyard to play in. We were supposed to close on our house next Friday, June 24, 2011 however that is not happening because of some troubles. We are now planning to close on it July 8th. So everyone please keep your fingers crossed for us.

We have had so many things go horribly wrong lately, we honestly do not know how much more we can take. Not to mention, its hard enough going through all this with someone by your side, imagine doing it while on the road, or home alone. As many of you know it is essential for Cameron to travel for his job. This adds stress to us during these hard times.... It is extremely difficult. But, we are doing the best we can to stay positive with every low blow, and hit in the face.

I will be updating this as much as possible, letting a little in sight in.