Since we found out that our second child is a girl, we've gotten a few comments from people about it. Things like, "Pay back", or "Oh no, your in for it". When quite honestly, we feel the complete opposite. It takes a special kind of person to raise little girls to be strong women. God picks and chooses each of us who are blessed to be parents of little girls.
Recently, I was asked, "What can we do to save our girls? How can we protect them from the world?". This mother is going to be a first time mom come February. She is struck by the harsh reality of today's society. We are definitely faced with a huge task. A challenge that we will either accomplish or fail at. One that certainly won't be easy. Being just 22 years old, my teenage years are not that far distant of a memory. I am constantly reminded of the struggles I went through. My husband and I talk about this often. The situations we put ourselves in, and the things we've had to endure. In today's society there is a lot to think about, and so much we want to protect our girls from. Suicide, teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, body image, the list goes on...
I think about this daily, after all, I am one of the parents blessed to have little girls and quite honestly, it is terrifying. The last thing I want to do is fail them. So when faced with this question, all I could tell the mom is that I don't know the for sure answer to how I am going to protect my girls. I am still learning who they are and who they will become, but I definitely have plans for myself and my husband. I believe that leading by example will be the best lesson for them. Our children follow our every move, and they watch us, even when we don't think they are. One thing I stress to my husband is that it is essential for us to treat each other with respect more than ever now. Our girls will learn how a man should treat a woman by how their father treats their mother. And definitely visa versa. The last thing I would want is to raise my girls to be women who demand respect but do not give it in return. I feel that the things I do as their mother, will help mold who they will become. I consider myself to be independent, strong willed, and a go getter. No, I don't have a college degree, a big house or am I able to be a stay at home mother. But this does not change the fact that I have goals and aspirations for myself, or that I can make my dreams come true. Nor does it change the fact that I am a good mother, and I will strive to do my best every day. Being a working mom, I am setting an example of Independence, self-worth, and success. Just as a stay at home mother would do, just in an entirely different way.
Our pasts will play a role in our parenting. The lessons we learned as kids will be passed along to our children to help guide them in the choices. We don't expect our children to be perfect and innocent. That's nearly impossible in today's society. I can honestly tell you that I expect my girls to have sex, drink and smoke. Will I promote it? Most certainly not, but if there is one thing I know it is that they will do what they want whether we want them to or not. The difference is that we will hopefully be able to have an open relationship full of honesty. I plan to teach my children right from wrong, and give them the knowledge to be smart about their choices. I plan to ask lots and lots of questions and answers just as many as honestly as I can. I plan to tell my girls their beautiful, smart and loved as much as possible to establish self-worth and appreciation. I plan to have an open, honest relationship on all front. To create a relationship that is full of love and understanding. Yes, my child will do things I am not proud of, but my goal for myself is to handle those things calm, educated, and to be proactive. That's all we can really do. I want them to know what love is, what pain and fear feel like, but I want to share those things with them, so they don't have to endure it alone, and therefore will hopefully be able to do to right with themselves, rather then wrong.
While I want my daughters to make the right choices and learn self-worth and confidence, I also feel that it is of high importantace to teach my girls to never judge. We don't know the full story. Yes, judging is easy and sometime second nature but it is never okay behavior. I am guilty but I can tell you that I work on myself daily. Judging someone does nothing but hurt others. In today's society issues such as body image and depression often end in suicide. Unfortantly, suicide is something that has hit close to home too many times. My goal is that my children will respect everyone around them and accept them for who they are and who they are going to be. Not to judge them for it.
Being a parent to girls, is a blessing, not a curse. Yes, I have so much to learn and so much to accomplish in the next 18+ years, but I am up for the challenge. So next time, someone tells me "Ah, man I'm sorry your having ANOTHER girl", I will just smile and say... I'm not :)
At the end of the day, you will figure it out Mom (or Dad)! Have confiendence in yourself and your abilities instill the morals and values you wish upon your children.
